Pre-season testing doesn’t really mean anything. But let’s pretend it does!
Winners
Fabio Quartararararo
After some impressive results in the ‘rubbish bikes and noobs’ shakedown test last month we were all expecting Fabio to turn up in Sepang and receive a reality punch right in his beret. But instead he continued his great form despite Yamaha’s stoic philosophy of ‘changing nothing and then being all out of ideas’.
Quartararararo finished the final test day in a confusingly impressive 3rd place.
So does this mean Yamaha are back? Of course not. But it’s good to dream.
Honda
The last time Honda finished on any MotoGP ‘winners’ list was so long-ago Loris Capirossi was still in short trousers – that’s right ten years. But now they’re back…
But before we breakout the decorative noodles it’s worth stating that the Honda heap is probably still the worst bike on the grid, but now just not ‘as worst’ as it once was when it was worse.
The two main talking points of the lawnmower manufacturer’s rapid ascent to sub-mediocracy were the performances of Johann Zarco and Joan Mir. (Yes Joan Mir – you read that correctly).
Zarco was once again Honda’s top rider ending day three as 7th fastest and looking awesome in the Castrol livery that experts predict is worth at least 0.4 seconds per lap.
However it was the 2020 covid champion Joan Mir that caused eyebrows to raise to the point that they were flying off the top of the stunned onlooker’s foreheads. Joan finished day three just behind Zarco in 8th place and, more tellingly, didn’t fall off a couple of hundred times or spend the session in the medical facility.
Fermin Aldeguer
The Vermin Fermin had fallen into MotoGP as a random entity. Previously he was sensational in Moto2…but less previously he wasn’t. So what would we get?
Aldeguer ended up being not too bad at all which is bad news for Franco Morbidelli.
Losers
Jorge Martin
If there’s one rider we all want to perform this season it’s Jorge Martin. We’d also like him to ditch his terrible nickname.
Martin’s rage quit of Ducati and then taking the number one plate over to Aprilia was a hard boot in the Polpettes for Gigi and his unruly mob. But that was just half the job. What we really want to see is Jorge take the fight back to Ducati – nothing is better than a rider fuelled with hatred and revenge.
Sadly this revenge plot was The Crow 2024 instead of The Crow 1994.
Just a few laps into the test the world champion fell off. Then, a few laps later, he really, really fell off. The session had to be stopped so Jorge could be dragged off the track by his chorizo and posted back to Spain for emergency surgery where it was announced that he had fractures in his foot and hand.
After the bone-snapping spill Aprilia were keen to portion blame…buy claiming the crash wasn’t the fault of the bike or the rider. This is the new political way to say ‘the tyres were dogshit’ without the French Michelin lawyers getting their croissants in a twist.
The final outcome is that The Martinator will now miss all the pre-season testing and is racing to be fit for the opening race in Thailand.
Fabio di Giannantonio
It’s the classic tale of rags-to-riches-to-hospital. Only a few seasons ago the Italian, who lacked a famous brother to bail him out, was fighting to stay in MotoGP with a career in cleaning Victorian chimneys looking ever more likely. But somehow he did stay and his subsequent performances earned him a coveted 2025 Ducati…also helped by Jorge Martin rage quitting. Better still his teammate is Morbidelli.
So this was all set to be Digi’s big break. However on day one of the test the big break for the Italian came in the form of his collarbone. Fabio immediately returned to Italy where Professor Alessandro Castagna explained to the media that Giannantonio’s collarbone had broken like how the corners of dried lasagna sheets do if incorrectly stored. A double warning.
All of which means Di Giannantonio will miss this week’s Buriram test.
Raul Fernandez
Rounding out our haphazard trio of ‘broken straight away’ entries is Resting Bitch Face Raul (RBFR) on the Trackhouse Racing Aprilia who suffered what looked like the nastiest crash of all.
The highspeed spill left Fernandez not smiling whilst suffering a fractured metacarpal in his left hand and a fractured little toe in his left foot. Just like Martin and Di Giannantonio the sour-faced Spaniard will also miss the final upcoming pre-season test.
Alex Rins
Amazingly despite the carnage mentioned above Rins made the ‘losers’ list without actually breaking his gizzard in any way. Instead Rins found himself sulking and confused to why he was being ignored by the Yamaha engineers who were more focused on Fabio Quartararararo. To everyone else this made total sense.
