Last month in Sepang Aprilia went on the offensive blaming Michelin for the crash that saw their prized asset Jorge Martin shipped off to A&E. Technically the Italian scooter manufacturer didn’t accuse the tyres directly, instead they went into ‘politician mode’ stating that Martin’s bone-splintering tarmac tussle wasn’t his fault or the bike.
The French tyre manufacturer were not happy with this sneaky attack. Michelin technicians had to momentarily stop trying to guess the gender of President Macron’s wife to put out a statement that claimed their tyres were all ‘magnifique’.
However no one can escape the fact that Michelin tyres ruined many races last season along with the sport in general with their overheating fronts and massively grippy rears. So given the universal hatred can we assume the Michelin MotoGP tyres are the evillest tyres in history? Let’s find out.
Chaoyang Tyres
Now when you think of Chinese products you naturally associate them with being of a high quality with a meticulous attention to detail. So it’s quite a shock when you discover a rare People’s Republic product that’s instead cheap, nasty and dangerous – but step forward Chaoyang’s car tyres.
Chaoyang car tyres are some of the lowest rated ‘death-hoops’ available anywhere. The evil tyres are said to wear unevenly, suffer punctures easily and smell of MSG.
However it’s the numerous reports that these child-manufactured tyres randomly burst in extreme heat that sets them apart from their contemporaries in being truly evil.
Rubber
This 2010 film documents a telepathic tyre that comes to life and embarks on a killing spree of pure evil. Some may argue ‘it’s only a movie’ but this is exactly how Hitler and the Nazis started…probably.
Nigel Mansell’s blowout
Back in 1986 life was great. We had no internet, Europe released ‘Final Countdown’ and Top Gun hit the big screens. 1986 was a good year. However it wasn’t a good year for Nigel Mansell’s Goodyear…
Entering the final Formula One race of the year in Australia the miserable Brummie bastard only needed to finish third to claim his first ever championship.
Whilst in second place and with just a handful of laps remaining Mansell’s rear left tyre exploded due to unforeseen vortex turbulence from the Englishman’s moustache. The incident immediately ended Nigel’s championship hopes and started yet another epic moaning session that was said to have lasted over 6 weeks.
Meanwhile the three-foot Frenchman Alain Prost, who had missed the start of the race due to a prior engagement to block up the Calais ferry port, could smell victory – which isn’t surprising given he has a hooter large enough to smell a Sunday roast on a Tuesday. Prost went on to take victory and the championship.
Shinya Nakano’s blowout
However when it comes to evil tyres bursting then it’s hard to beat Shinya Nakano’s 200mph horror crash at Mugello in 2004.
Whilst travelling down the infamous start-finish straight in a practice session the miniature Japanese rider’s rear tyre blew on his Kawasaki leaving a huge, thick black skid mark on the track and an even bigger and thicker brown one in his underpants.
The onlooking crowd gasped in horror…until they realised it wasn’t Rossi then went back to doing what they were doing before. Meanwhile poor Shinya was sent tumbling down the greasy Italian track and into a safety barrier made out of concrete.
Thankfully Nakano’s noodle was relatively okay which meant stoppage time was kept to a minimum allowing the annoyed crowd to return to cheering on Rossi.
Kuwait tyre fire
What happens when evil colludes? That’s right – the Walt Disney company is formed. But when it comes to malicious tyres getting together and causing havoc we need to look no further than the Kuwait tyre fire.
Back in 2021 the trustworthy country of Kuwait had been given the paid responsibility of ‘disposing’ of over 42 million used tyres and achieved this by throwing them all in a big pile somewhere irrelevant in the desert. And it was by total chance that this epic pile of tyres mysteriously caught fire…which no one predicted despite deserts tending to be very hot and very dry.
The outcome was the biggest tyre fire in history which caused a toxic ‘carbon black’ smoke plume visible from the international space station – or at least it would have been if the windows weren’t all covered in black crap from the fire.
