It’s been said that history doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme. When MotoGP visited the Circuit of the Americas, history’s breakfast repeated itself as Marc Marquez caused utter chaos and totally got away with it. Let’s analyse what happened using a series of rhyming headings:
Sheeting
Rain turned the Texan tarmac into a skating rink during the morning. This let Jake Dixon win the Moto2 race by a mile (coincidentally, this is the diameter of the cocky loudmouth’s head these days.)
Heating
As the day warmed up, the rain stopped and the track started to dry. Most of the MotoGP riders went to the grid on wet tyres, but with a few minutes to go it was clear that slick tyres would be needed.
Seating
Marc didn’t sit on the bike as the start approached. He just stood next to it looking moody and thoughtful, like when occasional MotoGP rider Miguel Oliveira sits there gloomily pondering which of his rivals will put him in hospital this time.
Fleeting
This is how much of a glimpse #93’s rivals got of him bolting off the grid with seconds to go as he executed his plan. A plan that was as evil as it was stupid, based on misinterpreting a half-remembered paragraph from the 2018 MotoGP rulebook.
Bleating
A flock of riders followed Marc off the grid like lambs to the slaughter after stupidly believing that he had a clue what he was doing.
Deleting
Race Direction chucked the rule book out the window. Everyone that switched bikes had to do a ride-through penalty, the rules are crystal clear. However, the Race Director got into a flap and delayed the race on safety grounds. In other words, Marc Marquez had caused a red flag by causing chaos that put people in danger of personal injury or death. The official punishments for this range from a long lap penalty to a multi-race ban. Marc’s punishment was to start from pole position on slick tyres. Wait, what?
Browbeating
Trackhouse Team MAGA boss Davide Brivio was incensed, as his surprising star rider Ai Ogura was already on slicks, and would’ve benefited from everyone in front of him losing 45 seconds doing a ride-through. He complained bitterly to everyone who would listen. Nobody cared, because Brivio is too damn nice. If Ducati were complaining, Race Control would listen, mostly because Ducati’s rabid attack-chihuahua Davide Tardozzi would’ve been gripping the Race Director firmly by the throat.
Self-defeating
After all this, Marc Marquez got bored during the race and lobbed the bike at the scenery. On the plus side, slow-motion replays clearly showed his footpeg snapping off and hitting him in the nuts.
Beating
Pecco Bananas finally finished ahead of his far more talented team-mate. By default, which is the only way he’ll do it this year.
Over-eating
MotoGP’s leading gourmand Uccio got one of his riders on the podium, which was a great result for his rich pal that owns the VR46 team.
“Gamesmanship”
Marc Marquez treated us to some highly entertaining “gamesmanship” and escaped without being punished by anybody except Karma. When #93 pulled his illegal stunt, Race Direction looked away faster than you can say “Malaysia 2015”. What further shenanigans can we expect from the Octochamp this year? With the MotoGP authorities as compliant as the French Army in 1940, we know he’ll get away with these evil deeds, whatever the hell they are!
